I was smacked in the face with two unpleasant medical realities a couple of days ago. First I realized that I have been taking a half dose of one of my medications for at least a week, which hopefully explains why I'm not feeling great. Then I realized that I'd be spending $160 today for refills on 3 of my prescriptions. I have 8 prescriptions. And people? I HAVE INSURANCE.
My expenditure on medical stuff for the past few months has been astronomical between all the appointment co-pays and prescriptions. I asked the pharmacist what the one month cost of one of my prescriptions was without insurance. $368 for a one month supply of a generic medication. Anyone know which of the presidential candidates has the best plan for fixing this out of whack medical system?
ps. In keeping with the holiday spirit, I wanted to share this blog.
My co-workers and I were spending the day doing the usual sorts of things: going for coffee, playing darts, discussing our cats, your basics, when I remembered that a long time ago I'd been playing around with the video editing software my mac has, and had posted a couple of videos of my cat Preggers on YouTube. Yes, I actually did that. Naturally, when I remembered that fact we immediately went to YouTube and watched them.
Here is the first one I made, which is basically an homage to Pregger's skillz in the bloodsport of fetching:
You can't tell, since you're probably watching the embedded video rather than going to YouTube, but that video has a perfect 5/5 rating. Three whole people (I'm assuming here, I don't mean to exclude the amputee audience) were involved in the voting, but that's not the best part. My coworker noticed that there were TWO comments. I assumed that that must have been Rachel and Andy, but NO! Two people I don't even know took the time to comment on my video of my cat playing fetch. Seriously. And they said it was both "nice!!" and "funny!"
I was obviously already pretty giddy, but we decided to risk dampening the high by taking a look at my other video. This one is also of Preggers, but this time she's chasing her tail. Well, trying, but she's too fat to reach it.
Clearly comedy gold. It was at this point that I realized that not only do both of my videos have a PERFECT 5/5 rating, but that I'm famous. And I can back that up with cold hard numbers, people. I noticed that the second video had four, count 'em FOUR, links to it. Again, I assumed that probably all four were thanks to Andy and Rachel, but when I took a look, nope. People I don't know. Are watching videos of my cat. And THEN LINKING TO IT.
I really can't convey how bizarre I think that is. Imagine your five year old's finger-painting was featured on the news. Actually, with FOX on the air that's not entirely unlikely, so bad example. Back to the point - I've gotten 11 clicks from one site. I have no idea what the site is about since it's written in spanish, and my spanish is limited to 'quesadilla' and 'chupa mi en los cabres', which is either 'fuck me in the goat ass' or 'can I have the check motherfucker'...really the same thing, hence my confusion on the specifics. Therefore I don't know what this site is about and I'm sooooooooooooo curious. Also, it has a flag (I'm assuming a national flag) in the address bar icon that I can't find a reference to anywhere on the vast information super-highway. I really can't fathom what sort of blog readership would actually choose to watch these videos. I'm sort of picturing some grandma's crocheting circle, except there are no crocheting pictures, or needlepoint, or even other horribly filmed videos of animals doing vaguely amusing things. The title 'Peloton' of course brings to mind Lance Armstrong, but I'm skeptical it's him.
At 450+ views each for the videos, I've personally contributed to over 30 completely and utterly wasted man-hours. I must know how I managed that. I'd love to shoot for 300, or even something really gauche like 2000 (a work year), but I can't do it alone! If anyone has more time on their hands than I do, or speaks spanish, please click on over to http://www.peloton69.com/blog/
and figure out what the hell the blog is about and where it's based so
that I can do a properly dubbed version of the video for my fans. And, not that I don't trust my friends of course, but, assholes? DON'T GO GIVE ME A SHITTY RATING JUST TO FUCK WITH ME. My 5/5 is all I have going for me in this world, don't take it away.
Visible gel in the hair. Did we move to some latin country when I wasn't looking? Is it the 1980s again? The wet look is best left to armani models. Just to be clear, that's not you.
Plaid shirts over...well, anything. These are your going out clothes? Really? To pick up women? How about a pair of athletic shorts, or an old sweatshirt emblazoned with "It Goes Downhill From Here"?
Suggest that seeing the hugging couple across the room was annoying me. As your opening line. Transparent and bizarre attempt to find out if I was single, or are you just an aging lonely freak with no social skills? I suppose those options aren't mutually exclusive. I'm not bitter, but apparently you are.
Ask me to guess the temperature in the room, and don't take my half-hearted replies for an answer. You clearly think precision here is key, or we'll never know which one of us is WRONG. What's wrong is boring the living shit out of me.
This, my friends, is why I hate waiting in bars for people to show up. Did the hottie with the gorgeous eyes come talk to me? Of course not, but the strange slickster felt I was approachable. Newsflash - I'm not. I'm a bitch. Especially when the red sox are losing. Fuckers, one and all.
I was beginning a search in the google box and hit return too early - I'd entered "to-date".
Second result?
What. The. Fuck?!! There are various aspects I could comment on, but I don't even know where to start. How about with the picture? Do all asian men see us as back-lit, carrying a rose, and looking rather winsome? I know I've personally left the house without my light stand and flowers every day this week. I don't think I'm in danger of having my white-girl card revoked any time soon though as long as I keep giggling and twitching whenever someone tries to do that hand thing called "giving dap". I always get mixed up at the part where they flip the hand around.
I've been informed by someone that my aquarium interest is very dorky. All I have to say to that particular person is pot...paging kettle, COME IN KETTLE! Actually, that's not all I have to say, but it is the first thing that sprang to mind. *cough*
Anyway, the great thing about the internet is that if, say, one of your friends were to question your inherent coolness, and you were feeling a little down about yourself as a result, perhaps drawing little cartoon figures, probably fat ones, on your notebook with "Ms. Dork Of The Year" written in cursive over the chest, or, you know, whatever one might do in such a situation, you can just go onto google and put in "dorkiest thing ever" and scan through the cold hard evidence that you are, in fact, relatively, the shit.
Exhibit A:
I was going to post an exhibit b, but honestly, is it really required? In the interest of full disclosure, however, I should probably admit that I found the crawly bit near 2:50 oddly sexy. Also, 5:10 rendered me speechless.*
The moral of this story? If you don't worry about what's cool or not, you may just find yourself with an absolutely fabulous body and a flair for spin kicks, or a gorgeous little slice of reef in your living room, whatever floats your boat - you just have to let your inner dork fly free.
*To clarify - those times are in the "going forward" frame of reference, whereas the counter on the embedded video is counting down. I did it that way just to mess with your miiiiiiiiiiinds, man. No, actually it's because I watched the video on YouTube first, and the counter goes forward there. Does that discrepancy make sense? No. Is it my fault? No. I can't believe I got emails about this. Seriously. And I'm the dork? And why do some people send me emails, but never comment? Hmmm?!? And as long as I'm asking questions, how the hell do the girl scouts get away with charging $4 for only 15 cookies? HMMM?!? I expect $4 to get me through one 2AM drunken binge. It's madness I tell you.
I've been watching the American Idol initial rounds this season. The horrendous auditions are hilarious. In other words, yes, I am pure, delicious evil. There has been all sorts of brouhaha about a few of the auditions - the public seems to be up in arms about how incredibly cruel the judges have been this season. Um. Hi. It's true I'm not really a fan of the show, so maybe I just misunderstood, but as far as I knew, that was half the point? Especially in the early rounds? Personally, I'm actually more disturbed by the public reaction to the auditions than the show itself.
The two at the center of the debate, Jonathan Jayne and Kenneth Briggs, were profiled as having become fast friends while waiting in line for the show. They were pretty weird and/or awkward in some of their speech, but clearly nice and having a lot of fun together. Jonathan Jayne was very overweight and had a bit of a speech impediment. Kenneth Briggs was very short and had bulging eyes.
So basically, they start their auditions, and neither one does very well. Jonathan Jayne might have a voice, but it needs a lot of training, or it was just a baaaaaaaad audition. Kenneth Briggs was worse. Simon did make a crack about Briggs' bulging eyes, saying he looked like a bush baby, and both are told in no uncertain terms that they have no future in the contest. However, overall the judges were not any harsher on them than they were on other contestants, and had some soothing words for them as well, particularly Jayne. Yeah, the judges are harsh, but frankly I REALLY wonder how most of these people ever end up walking in the room. I know I can't sing. I can hear myself. Can these people not hear themselves?
So, now to the disturbing part - Jonathan Jayne identified himself in a post-show interview as mildly autistic. Since he did so, talk show hosts and editorialists all over the country, including the NY Times, have been scampering up onto their soapboxes to say how horrible it was for Idol to exploit a mentally challenged person. Some have called him retarded or mentally deficient, and others have referred to the fact that he participated in the Special Olympics as evidence that the show is going to hell for featuring him.
I have to ask here, though, who exactly is being inappropriately judgmental and ignorant here? Hint, it's not the show. First of all, mildly autistic does not equal retarded. I find it amazing that, despite all the publicity autism and Asperger's has gotten in the last few years, these major publications are still so uninformed about what the autism spectrum is all about. It's also kind of ironic that autism is frequently correlated with musical gifts, so if you're going to have a neurological disorder and want to be on Idol...well, autism is the way to go.
Idol contestants are warned multiple times prior to their auditions that they may be harshly criticized and featured in unflattering ways. This is the sixth season of the show, so everyone knows exactly what the possible outcome of the audition room could be. Yet, essentially the public thinks that Jayne, as an adult who self-identifies as having a mild disability, is not capable of judging the risks involved with pursuing his dream. And they think that the show is what's offensive? Oh, I'm sure it's never occurred to him that he's fat. He probably has no clue that he's not considered all that cool. I bet he received nothing but overwhelmingly positive feedback in school, on the street, in the fucking fitting room, so it must have come as quite a shock to discover that not everyone felt he was pretty much perfect.
As for Kenneth Briggs...well, sad to say, but he DOES look like a bush baby with those eyes, and if that didn't occur to everyone watching before Simon said it, well, I guess I really am just an above average bitch. Briggs knows what he looks like, and has no doubt heard himself sing at some point, and yet he still walked in the room. That was his choice, he took a risk because he wanted to.
The last time I checked, disabled folk didn't really want our pity, and prefer having opportunities and making their own choices to the extent that they can, over being protected for their own good. Frankly, a walk down the street proves that many, many people, left to their own devices, can't dress or style themselves with much success. The entire fox news network is proof that millions of people should be in diapers and helmets for their own protection.
Watch this clip before continuing on, if you haven't seen it already.
A friend of ours watched this bit of the show in awkward silence and then said how mean it was of the show to have her on. Why? "Well, they're just laughing at her because she's overweight, do they let any fat people continue on on the show?" Seriously? And it's the show that's bad? You watch a girl doing a ridiculously gimmicky audition, and you assume that she's not going to make the show because she's fat. It's not because she's not a great singer. It's not because she's a one trick pony. It's because she's fat. That's all this friend of ours saw, and frankly, I think that's pretty illustrative of what I'm so horrified by here. Yes, in answer to your question, they do "let" fat people continue on, and some of them *gasp* actually do well. The ones who can sing.
For the last time people, assumptions and prejudices disguised as political correctness and left unspoken are still assumptions and prejudices. At least when prejudice is out in the open it can be discussed and dealt with.
In parting, I will leave you with some words of wisdom from our retarded, special olympics friend, Jonathan Jayne:
"If you're going to make it in TV, the first time you're going to
fail, the second time you're going to fail, the third time you're still
going to fail. The fourth time you might get somewhere, the fifth time
you might get something really good, and the sixth time you're going to
be a star."
He also observed that the negativity "doesn't make me look bad. It does make Simon, Paula and Randy look bad."
Save your pity for people who need it, he obviously doesn't. And with that, I'll jump down from my own soapbox.
Dear god, I got bitch slapped by a bus driver tonight. Well, not physically, but he did accuse me of stealing 25¢, stopped the bus, and tried to kick me off. I had no idea what he was talking about. It was one of the new buses, with the non-tapered coin slots. I'd put in my 90¢, in dimes and nickels, but one of the dimes showed up on the LCD as "rejected". I reached into the coin return, grabbed my dime, re-entered it, and sat down. It was a full bus.
Driver (in a loud voice): Can you put back the 25¢ you stole?!
Me: *Looks at myself, looks at people around me.* Me?
Driver: You think I didn't notice you taking the 25¢?
Me: Um.
Driver: The foreign quarter - I saw you take it out of the coin return.
Me: That was my dime, it was rejected.
Driver: I am stopping this bus. *He stops the bus, people start giving me really dirty looks, and I go through my pockets, looking for the allegedly stolen quarter and/or ANY quarter, so that we can get this show on the road.*
Me: *I discover I have not ONE quarter on me, foreign or domestic, even to pacify him.* I did not steal a quarter, that was MY dime.
Driver: Get off the bus.
Me: Are you kidding? I didn't steal a fucking quarter *I get up to get off the bus, because the bus is still stopped and people are shooting me eye daggers, including the little old lady with the floral paisley handbag - and if she has no sympathy for me, no one does.*
Driver: *Smugly looks ahead*
Me: *As I'm getting off.* You must be a really angry person.
Driver: Yeah, I'm angry you are stealing money.
Me: I DID NOT STEAL A QUARTER! SERIOUSLY!
Driver: *Reaches over into the coin slot, roots around, visibly brings coin (quarter size) to his face, examines it, returns it to coin slot, gets back into seat, and pulls bus back into traffic. Makes zero eye contact with me.*
After that I said...wait for it...it's really great...."I hope whatever is making you so nasty gets resolved!" Yeah. TAKE THAT ASSHOLE! I'm sure he'll think about what he's done. I was so pissed off when I got home I think I broke my toe kicking the stairs in a blind rage. I HATE NEW ENGLAND! Seriously, people here are FUCKED UP. Then we went for drinks at Joe Sent Me and I got to bitch about it for a bit. That made it a little bit better. What is it about bitching that is so pain-relieving? Well, not broken-toe-pain-relieving...that takes liquor and ibuprofen.
Anyway, Thanksgiving is over. It was pretty typical, filled with food of ungodly proportions, drinks of ridiculous strength, and cribbage games with no luck for me. That's ok, I'm dating the tournament champion, and that's good enough. Not. We went to see Spamalot in NYC on Friday, and that was probably the highlight for me, other than the fact that Times Sq. sucks ass, always has, always will.
Looking to the future, it's finally that time of year - the time when we begin stringing up the lights, festooning the tree, and Skipping Towards Poverty. Hello credit card debt and psychological let-downs. I wish we could all just focus on the important aspects of the season, such as egg nog, rum balls, and tinsel. Regardless, that is what MY December will be about, won't you all join me?
Wow, that was a pissy post. But it's probably just because orgo lab made my hands smell like cat pee, and who wouldn't be touchy if they had spent four hours getting covered in virtual pee and then had been publicly humiliated by an angry, shitty little bus-driver of a man on their way home? Hmm?! WHO?! Yeah, that's right...just back away slowly.
Heidi Fleiss has hired Mike Tyson to be a prostitute. I would ask if anyone is stupid enough to ask for him, but we all know the answer to that question.
Wisconsin courts are considering whether having sex with a dead animal constitutes beastiality. The guy's lawyer is making a strong case that it doesn't, mostly by quoting The Princess Bride. His mugshot is pretty good, for a mugshot, and you just know some idiot out there is going to think "Oh such soulful eyes! I can change him!" But lady, do you really want to sign up for a lifetime of wearing a furry suit and lying really still?
To the animal shelter that just sent me an email requesting the rights to use this picture of Luger I have on flickr:
I can't say I have a clear reason to have a problem with this - although it's obviously a unique and kick-ass picture, I'm pretty sure there is nothing truly nefarious you can do with it - but in the least it does strike me as an odd request.
Seeings as you are an animal shelter, I would figure you would want to promote your own animals, no? Or are you planning a bait-and-switch manuever, of the sort real estate agents pull?
"Well folks, the german shepherd juuuuuuust went, but we do have this wonderful option that is basically the same, except it's called a cocker spaniel."
Because I have to tell you, most people can identify a german shepherd, even from a picture. Or is it that you don't have a camera, and you just want to show a representative pet? You will have to add a disclaimer, of course:
"May be substituted with model of similar value."
In that case, you should know that we consider Luger to be priceless, which might make substitutions of equal value tricky.
This summer J and I took a fairly surreal side trip to Newton for the annual Italian Fair. I know, you thought Newton was incapable of throwing a good ol' fashioned white trash extravaganza, but you were wrong. It was mullets, teenage mothers, sawdust and funnel cake as far as the eye could see. Row upon row of motorcycles awaited their drunken pilots. Some owners were responsible enough to load up their bikes with the ever fashionable wanker lights, ensuring that their pickled carcasses would be found by the paramedics quickly.
I should, however, start at the beginning. Before heading to the fair, we met up with friends for sausages, drinks, and general frivolity. Said friends were kind enough to provide vegetarian sausages, and the running joke was, of course, what hapless vegetable provides the asshole for the sausage casing? My vote is for eggplant, which isn't good for anything else and has that nice firm skin surrounding a squishy inside. Mmmmmm.
One of the hosts is an electrical engineer. He owns his own electrical/mechanical engineering company, and obviously can be reached for business by anyone with access to the internet. He shared a little phone message with us all left by a guy from the International Tesla Society. The guy started off saying how he respected the host's work, but then he kind of derailed into a very odd rant:
So I have to insist that you not use "Tesla," as it is very offensive. Taking Tesla's name in vain will force us to pursue legal action against you and anyone else involved. You do not have the right to dilute the supreme being by taking his name in vain. We have been watching you.
And so on. Seriously. The message continued for a full five minutes along those lines, variously admonishing the host for his extremely poor taste, threatening legal action, and waxing poetic about the virtues of the supreme being Nikola Tesla. We kept waiting for some background snickering, but the guy never broke his stride. Of course, being the good little nerds we are, we spent the next 20 minutes of the party looking up the International Tesla Society (it's real, and definitely cultish) and then debating whether the individual was unmedicated or brainwashed.
I do hope this post does not bring down the wrath of Tesla upon me. I've already pissed off the divine Faraday and the exhalted Volta, one more E&M god on my case and very bad things will happen, I'm sure. Luckily there are bigger fish to fry for the ITS: Tesla Motors.
After that start to the night, the incongruity of the fair seemed only fitting. In any case, I'm sure you're wondering what reminded me of this night, months later. Today I received an email from my ochem lab TF with the words tesla and funnel in it, and the google sponsored links were as follows:
It's "Electrifying" New Case Thriller Fuses Tesla, Terror and the Ghost Dance! www.johncase.com
Funnel Cake Fryers Complete selection of Gold Medal Funnel Cake Fryers & Supplies www.popcornsupply.com
International Tesla Society Celebrating the 150th anniversary of Nikola Tesla's birth in the Year 2006 www.teslasociety.com
Recent Comments