Cyclothymia

Livin' In The Ghetto

Ms. Flexilicious had me over to her new Google office today for lunch. I will have you know that there were NO unicorns dispensing vitamin water from their teats, no waterslides, and definitely an unfortunate ratio of cute girls to cute boys. Perhaps I shall continue to resist the recruiters and their siren call of gigantic monitors paired with wild mushroom casserole and free massages. Sure, my office doesn't have carpeting, and I have to provide my own lunch, but at least I'm not dreaming in primary colors. So there.

Resume Tips and Workplace Revenge

Things NOT to be googling when your boss walks over, even if you work in a very relaxed environment:

• Do single men get more sex (deep in the middle of a debate - needed hard numbers to back me up)
• Membrane in poop (one of my cats is having difficulties)
• Baboon's ass (changed someone's contact picture in gmail, it amuses me)
• Gay porn blog (I'm not going to even try explaining that one)
• Tom Brady undies (self-explanatory)
• Liquor-filled ski poles (ditto - planning for upcoming ski trip)
• Psychiatry disability laws Massachusetts (I swear it's not for me *twitch*)

This one I just thought was funny:

• Renounce throne (clearly I'm weary of the burden of power)

Seems like it might be time to clear my cache.

Gee-whiz I'm Pleased

What a difference a couple of days makes. The sun is shining, the pats won, my pants fit, I had a delicious breakfast. Isn't life just GRAND? I had one of those weekends where you get a ton of things done (so you get to pat yourself on the back for being such a productive and energetic member of society, go you), also have a lot of fun (so you don't feel like it's all work and no play), AND get a ton of sleep. It must have been that extra hour that made it all come together.

Part of my busy-little-bee work this weekend was getting rid of a lot of the detritus from the J and B now-defunct-partnership: pictures of us/him, a few gifts, cards, some of his clothes that were hanging around, etc. I am usually a terrible pack-rat, but since my new place is so small I'm doing my very best to curb that instinct. I kept one or two things because I'm a little sentimental, but generally speaking I was ruthlessly cleaning house. I still haven't 100% decided what to do with my bed, but I've put a deadline of next weekend on it. If I haven't found another place for it by then, the salvation army can have it. The tax donation value is only $100, which sucks, but it'll be awesome to have it out of the house.

The last big house cleaning decision was what to do with my engagement ring. It may only buy me about one square inch of space in the apartment, but getting rid of it will open oodles of space in my head. I've decided to get the solitaire set as a necklace pendant like this:

And trade the ring setting itself for a pair of diamond earrings like this:

I think it's a good compromise because selling it outright felt too mercenary, and having it sit in a drawer seemed like a waste...a stagnant one at that.

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” -Paul Boese

I wouldn't say I've forgiven his behavior in the months after we broke up, but this does enlarge my future, and perhaps it'll work the other way around.

Oh, the other dandy thing was that my boss and I talked on Friday, and we both agreed that I should not be focused on testing anymore. He didn't come right out and say that he could tell I was miserable, but that was the gist, so it's good to know he is sensitive and responsive to that sort of thing.

You'll notice there is no cursing in this particular post.

And I Broke My Espresso Carafe Too

Work this week has been really shitty. I was hired as a UX person, and I made it very clear that the testing aspect of my role should be kept to a minimum or I would not be happy, and they said it would be, and yet here I am wrapping up my second week of full-time testing. I know we have a build coming out today theoretically, so my hope is that my boss isn't completely addicted to having an extra tester available, so that next week I can back to doing what I was actually hired to do.

Another totally depressing aspect of life right now is hunting for new homes for two of my cats. In some ways all three adjusted to the move quite well, in the sense that no one refused to eat or drink, no one started spraying, and no one hid under the bed for days at a time. In the sense that they aren't trying to slaughter each other 24 hours a day, not so much. There is blood involved, and it's only a matter of time until someone loses an eye. It would be funny if it wasn't a) so concerning, and b) frankly as annoying as being trapped in a cage full of monkeys flinging shit at one another.

Aside from the ongoing ultimate fighting championship, my allergies are going batshit (yes, I'm going to see if I can use shit, or some variation thereof, in every paragraph of this post because cursing makes baby jesus cry, and that makes me feel better). My allergist told me this week that I'm starting to show signs of persistent asthma, and for whatever wacky reason he thinks it might have to do with my having 32 pounds of cat in 400 square feet.

I am broken-hearted that I have to do this. I've had all three of my cats for at least 8 years, and love them all as unique individuals. I'm a little more closely bonded to Preggers, but as far as my responsibility for them goes, they are equal. I was really, REALLY hoping to find a home for them with someone that either I knew or that a friend knew, so that I'd still be able to visit or at least get real updates, and not worry that their new people were going to neglect regular vet care, or give them up to a shelter at some point, or feed them shitty food, or let them wander the streets without a coat on, etc. But, that isn't happening. I had two leads, and both of them fizzled without really getting anywhere, so now I've got the cats listed with various cat rescue groups. After the struggle of finding the right home for them is over I'll never see my babies again.

So, yeah, life sucks, and I'm whining about it. Shit.

I'm Really Famous, I Just Don't Know Where

My co-workers and I were spending the day doing the usual sorts of things: going for coffee, playing darts, discussing our cats, your basics, when I remembered that a long time ago I'd been playing around with the video editing software my mac has, and had posted a couple of videos of my cat Preggers on YouTube. Yes, I actually did that. Naturally, when I remembered that fact we immediately went to YouTube and watched them.

Here is the first one I made, which is basically an homage to Pregger's skillz in the bloodsport of fetching:

You can't tell, since you're probably watching the embedded video rather than going to YouTube, but that video has a perfect 5/5 rating. Three whole people (I'm assuming here, I don't mean to exclude the amputee audience) were involved in the voting, but that's not the best part. My coworker noticed that there were TWO comments. I assumed that that must have been Rachel and Andy, but NO! Two people I don't even know took the time to comment on my video of my cat playing fetch. Seriously. And they said it was both "nice!!" and "funny!"

I was obviously already pretty giddy, but we decided to risk dampening the high by taking a look at my other video. This one is also of Preggers, but this time she's chasing her tail. Well, trying, but she's too fat to reach it.

Clearly comedy gold. It was at this point that I realized that not only do both of my videos have a PERFECT 5/5 rating, but that I'm famous. And I can back that up with cold hard numbers, people. I noticed that the second video had four, count 'em FOUR, links to it. Again, I assumed that probably all four were thanks to Andy and Rachel, but when I took a look, nope. People I don't know. Are watching videos of my cat. And THEN LINKING TO IT.

I really can't convey how bizarre I think that is. Imagine your five year old's finger-painting was featured on the news. Actually, with FOX on the air that's not entirely unlikely, so bad example. Back to the point - I've gotten 11 clicks from one site. I have no idea what the site is about since it's written in spanish, and my spanish is limited to 'quesadilla' and 'chupa mi en los cabres', which is either 'fuck me in the goat ass' or 'can I have the check motherfucker'...really the same thing, hence my confusion on the specifics. Therefore I don't know what this site is about and I'm sooooooooooooo curious. Also, it has a flag (I'm assuming a national flag) in the address bar icon that I can't find a reference to anywhere on the vast information super-highway. I really can't fathom what sort of blog readership would actually choose to watch these videos. I'm sort of picturing some grandma's crocheting circle, except there are no crocheting pictures, or needlepoint, or even other horribly filmed videos of animals doing vaguely amusing things. The title 'Peloton' of course brings to mind Lance Armstrong, but I'm skeptical it's him.

At 450+ views each for the videos, I've personally contributed to over 30 completely and utterly wasted man-hours. I must know how I managed that. I'd love to shoot for 300, or even something really gauche like 2000 (a work year), but I can't do it alone! If anyone has more time on their hands than I do, or speaks spanish, please click on over to http://www.peloton69.com/blog/ and figure out what the hell the blog is about and where it's based so that I can do a properly dubbed version of the video for my fans. And, not that I don't trust my friends of course, but, assholes? DON'T GO GIVE ME A SHITTY RATING JUST TO FUCK WITH ME. My 5/5 is all I have going for me in this world, don't take it away.

The View From My Balcony

I should have gotten a shot of the incredibly hot guy who goes swimming every morning. Not that I sit out on the balcony with my coffee watching him or anything. That would be creepy. It's uh, just something I noticed this one time.

The complex also has two other pools, five lighted tennis courts, and this cute set of three connected hot tubs in a little grotto. So, basically I'm not coming back.

Utterly Spoiled

Wow, life here at the new job doesn't suck at all. Oh, didn't I mention I have a new job? Well, I do. It's EXACTLY what I wanted. Sometimes I shock myself when I set out to do something scary and then actually accomplish it. I'm working at Harvard Medical School now as a developer on a bioinformatics integration project.

As for the job, the people are really friendly, really interesting, and are so much more relaxed than the past couple of jobs I've had. We actually go for...coffee together. What a concept. Other than that, the top 10 best things about my new job are:

1. The work is going to be challenging AND interesting. Another novel concept. I'm actually going to have time to muddle my way through new things, instead of just doing them half-assed without incorporating any of the knowledge.
2. The building I'm in is very cool - I'm going to have lots of private places to study or do homework if I want to after work or during workover lunch.
3. There is a medical artifacts exhibit in the building, with the highlight (for me) being either Phineas Gage's skull, or the earliest known trepanning tool.
4. I have my own office. With a door. And windows. Finally, the privacy to masturbate and fart with abandonlisten to music without disturbing others.
5. I was issued a blackberry. I love new toys. I have google local on it and zoomed right in on my house while at the bar for trivia last night. Not that that's useful, but I'm sure there are other useful things for it. Like posting to ljkeeping up with email like a good worker bee.
6. 6. New laptop! Pretty sweet thinkpad, with two docking stations and a monitor for home. I don't think I'll bring the monitor home though.
7. A gym membership for $75/year, with 9 different facilities to access.
8. 5 weeks of vacation. Plus 12 holidays, instead of the fucking goddamn 7 holidays at the last two jobs. Helloooooooooooooooo President's Day.
9. Ease of access to my volunteer job - literally a 10 second walk out the front door of my building.
10. No daily bum jump to get to work. Vomit, sidewalk, piss, sidewalk, feces, sidewalk...no more!

Yes, writhe with jealousy my friends, I understand. Actually, don't writhe in jealousy, give me your resumes so I can get you a job here. There are only two things I'm bummed about - the fact that I didn't start a year ago, and the commute is a little sucky. But I can live with that.

J gave me a new digital camera last night to replace the one we lost in Belize. I sort of want to make a pile of all the new toys and take a picture...but I guess I can't do that since the camera would be in the pile. Oh well.

As if all that isn't enough, I managed to contribute to trivia last night. Usually I sit there getting drunk, admiring the walls, or trying to distract my team, but yesterday I was a bonafide team member. I've spent the past couple of days getting the new toys set up and settling in. Life, eet ees good.

Oh, and yes, the Belize trip went wonderfully. I will post about that later, although it's very difficult to appropriately capture a weeklong trip with 10 people very meaningfully. I will at least link to pictures. Like the one below...

Teh Sexy Mofos In Belize