Cyclothymia

A Glimpse of the Madness

The site I mentioned before, SDN, is, as Adrian Monk would say, both a blessing and a curse. It's that hottie that gives you herpes, the baby with diarrhea, the hangover after a legendary night out. The med school application information there is unbelievably helpful, especially for someone who is somewhat removed from the process like I am. On the other hand, in order to sift through it you have to expose yourself to the craziness that is the pre-med state of mind. And just like the hottie, the baby, and the legendary night out, there is no way to get the full benefit of the information without getting at least a little bit of the disease, shit, or vomit on your (relatively) sane self.

As an academic slacker from way back I can't truly relate, even as I'm slowly infected. For those of you in the real world there is no way you can fully grasp exactly how neurotic these kids are. I thought I'd share my summary of what the forums look like, however, so that you, my (again, relatively) normal friends, can see what I'm surrounded by - and then pity me. Trust me when I say my exaggerations are fairly limited. The topics (repeated over and over and over and over and over with minor variations) can be broken down into three general categories.

A tip for all you aspiring medical school applicants out there.

When it comes time to choose where you will apply, there is only one factor you need to consider: forget about location, cost, strength of the program, hotness of the student body, and just go for the schools that give the earliest interviews and admissions decisions. Because otherwise? Otherwise you will find yourself like me, surrounded by people who are getting interviews and rejections, while your schools can neither shit nor get off the pot. Theoretically no decision is better than a rejection, but this? This is a special kind of torture.

I am bordering on an abusive relationship with my email - obsessed with it and afraid of it at the same time. In the morning I sort of glance at it sideways, to soften the potential blows; when there is nothing there I get pissed and go to all the schools' sites to check the status pages. I almost came home at lunch today because someone told me Vanderbilt will be sending invites by snail mail AND I couldn't access the Wake Forest status page from work. Mayo doesn't have a status page, and they tend to send out the rejection emails in the middle of the night - a friend and I were joking about staying up, and I suggested we set an alarm for three am instead. I MIGHT DO IT. I want to be knocked unconscious for the next two weeks, STAT.* I just want one - let's get it over with. Interview, rejection, WHATEVER, just acknowledge my existence, PLEASE.

*That's medicalese for "right away." As you can see, I'm practically a doctor already.